6 Little Behavior Problems You Shouldn't Ignore

Here are six misbehaviors you may be tempted to overlook -- and how to put an end to them pronto.

Interrupting When You're Talking

Why you shouldn't ignore it: Your child may be incredibly excited to tell you something or ask a question, but allowing her to butt in to your conversations doesn't teach her how to be considerate of others or occupy herself when you're busy. "As a result, she'll think that she's entitled to other people's attention and won't be able to tolerate frustration," says psychologist Jerry Wyckoff, Ph.D., coauthor of Getting Your Child From No to Yes.

How to stop it: The next time you're about to make a call or visit with a friend, tell your child that she needs to be quiet and not interrupt you. Then settle her into an activity or let her play with a special toy that you keep tucked away. If she tugs on your arm while you're talking, point to a chair or stair and tell her quietly to sit there until you're finished. Afterward, let her know that she won't get what she's asking for when she interrupts you

Playing Too Rough

Why you shouldn't ignore it: You know that you have to step in when your child punches a playmate, but you shouldn't disregard more subtle aggressive acts, like shoving his brother or pinching a friend. "If you don't intervene, rough behavior can become an entrenched habit by age 8. Plus, it sends a message that hurting people is acceptable," says Parents adviser Michele Borba, Ed.D., author of Don't Give Me That Attitude!: 24 Rude, Selfish, Insensitive Things Kids Do and How to Stop Them.

How to stop it: Confront aggressive behavior on the spot. Pull your child aside and tell him, "That hurt Janey. How would it feel if she did that to you?" Let him know that any action that hurts another person is not allowed. Before his next playdate, remind him that he shouldn't play rough, and help him practice what he can say if he gets angry or wants a turn. If he does it again, end the playdate.

Pretending Not to Hear You

Why you shouldn't ignore it: Telling your child two, three, even four times to do something she doesn't want to do, such as get into the car or pick up her toys, sends the message that it's okay to disregard you and that she--not you--is running the show. "Reminding your child again and again just trains her to wait for the next reminder rather than to pay attention to you the first time you tell her something," says psychologist Kevin Leman, Ph.D., author of First-Time Mom: Getting Off on the Right Foot -- From Birth to First Grade. "Tuning you out is a power play, and if you allow the behavior to continue, your child is likely to become defiant and controlling."

How to stop it: Instead of talking to your child from across the room, walk over to her and tell her what she needs to do. Have her look at you when you're speaking and respond by saying, "Okay, Mommy." Touching her shoulder, saying her name, and turning off the TV can also help get her attention. If she doesn't get moving, impose a consequence.

When 6-year-old Jack Lepkowski, of Ossining, New York, started practicing "selective hearing," his parents decided to take action. They told him that if they had to ask him to do something more than once, such as come to dinner or take a bath, he would get to watch only one video that day (his usual allotment is two) or he'd miss a playdate that week. If they had to remind him twice, he would lose two videos or two playdates. "I try not to give in because otherwise his selective hearing will continue," says his mother, Lydia. "This tactic seems to be working!"

Helping Himself to a Treat

Why you shouldn't ignore it: It's certainly convenient when your child can get his own snack or pop in a DVD, but letting him have control of activities that you should regulate doesn't teach him that he has to follow rules. "It may be cute when your 2-year-old walks along the counter to get the cookies out of the cabinet, but just wait until he's 8 and goes to visit a friend who lives three blocks away without asking," Dr. Wyckoff says.

How to stop it: Establish a small number of house rules, and talk about them with your child often ("You have to ask whether you can have sweets because that's the rule"). If your child turns on the TV without permission, for instance, tell him to turn it off and say, "You need to ask me before you turn on the television." Stating the rule out loud will help him internalize it.

When 3-year-old Sloan Ibanez took some markers without asking and colored one of her arms completely yellow, her mom, Tanzy, told her that she couldn't help with painting a garage-sale sign later that afternoon. "She cried, but I knew I had to nip this in the bud or else I'd pay the price later because she'd do it again and again," says Ibanez, of Lewiston, Texas.

Having a Little Attitude

Why you shouldn't ignore it: You may not think your child is going to roll her eyes or use a snippy tone until she's a preteen, but sassy behavior often starts when preschoolers mimic older kids to test their parents' reaction. "Some parents ignore it because they think it's a passing phase, but if you don't confront it, you may find yourself with a disrespectful third-grader who has a hard time making and keeping friends and getting along with teachers and other adults," Dr. Borba says.

How to stop it: Make your child aware of her behavior. Tell her, for example, "When you roll your eyes like that, it seems as if you don't like what I'm saying." The idea isn't to make your child feel bad but to show her how she looks or sounds. If the behavior continues, you can refuse to interact and walk away. Say, "My ears don't hear you when you speak to me that way. When you're ready to talk nicely, I'll listen."

Exaggerating the Truth

Why you shouldn't ignore it: It may not seem like a big deal if your child says he made his bed when he barely pulled up the covers, or if he tells a friend that he's been to Walt Disney World when he's never even been on a plane, but it's important to confront any type of dishonesty head-on. "Lying can become automatic if your child learns that it's an easy way to make himself look better, to avoid doing something that he doesn't want to do, or to prevent getting into trouble for something he's already done," Dr. Wyckoff says.

How to stop it: When your child fibs, sit down with him and set the record straight. Say, "It would be fun to go to Disney World, and maybe we can go some day, but you shouldn't tell Ben that you've been there when you really haven't." Let him know that if he doesn't always tell the truth, people won't believe what he says. Look at his motivation for lying, and make sure he doesn't achieve his goal. For example, if he said that he brushed his teeth when he didn't, have him go back and brush them. When 5-year-old Sophia Hohlbaum started stretching the truth, her mom, Christine, told her the story of "The Boy Who Cried Wolf," in which a boy who'd been lying cries for help for real and people ignore him. "Storytelling helps kids view the problem from the outside in," says Hohlbaum, author of Diary of a Mother: Parenting Stories and Other Stuff. "Now Sophia's very straightforward with me?and she's very self-righteous if I don't believe her."

Bringing up a child is one of the most difficult responsibilities an adult can have. Yet it is the job for which we have had practically no formal training. Find out how to give your children a good start in life.

Bringing up a child is one of the most difficult responsibilities an adult can have. Yet it is the job for which we have had practically no formal training.

Most people acquire knowledge about child rearing from the people around them or from their own upbringing.

As a result, when they become parents, they often find themselves repeating patterns from their own childhoods that might not be appropriate to their own children.
Worse than that, they may hear themselves admonishing their kids with phrases their parents used to use, and which they vowed never ever to utter once they had children of their own.
One way of avoiding that is when two parents are actively involved in bringing up a child, and when they communicate well about how to discipline their children and what they expect from their kids' behaviour.

In this way, they are less likely to pass on bad parenting techniques from their own background and
they will also present a united front with their partner, which will give their children useful messages about security and consistency.

Life can be tougher for single parents – but friends and family can be enormously helpful and lone parents should never be ashamed to ask for help from these sources.
And there are great support groups these days – usually with discussion boards – where parents can discuss their worries and problems. Gingerbread is a good place to start.
Many parents also find it helpful to read books and magazine articles on good parenting. Also, classes in parenting skills may be useful.

Why is discipline necessary?

Discipline enables parents to demonstrate acceptable and non-acceptable behaviour to their child.
By establishing boundaries for the child, you are helping them to learn what is expected from them and how to behave in society. This is necessary for the child to grow into a responsible adult.
Discipline is a difficult issue as it must be fair and consistent.

Lack of consistent and appropriate discipline may produce confused and rootless children who constantly seek to test others in order to establish the boundaries within the relationship.

How do you provide your child with self-confidence?

A child's self-image develops from 'Day one' and it is formed very largely through how a parent interacts with him or her.

The use of words can have an impact – good or bad – on self-esteem and self-worth and a child’s confidence, and so can the tone of voice used.

Body language has an influence here too. Therefore, the way in which the parents behave towards and speak to their children has enormous influence on their development. Most importantly, it can affect the children's self-confidence.

When parents constantly praise and affirm their offspring, they ensure that their children grow up with appropriate self-esteem.

But when parents are critical or inconsistent or even unloving, their children will usually grow up undervaluing themselves.

Some parents focus on their children's bad behaviour and criticise them all the time. A degree of helpful criticism may be necessary, but if a child hears only anger and criticism, his or her self-confidence will be undermined.

More than that, he will learn that the only time he gets attention is when he is bad – so he will behave badly.

Praising and rewarding good behaviour is more beneficial than constant criticism.

To hug the child and praise him or her for good behaviour encourages the child to see that being nice or kind or agreeable brings rewards. It also encourages good self-esteem.

Remember, it is important for children to hear you say you love them. If your child has behaved badly, you should criticise the bad behaviour and not the child.

For example you might say: 'Caroline – you're such a wonderful little girl and I love you very much, but your behaviour today has been awful.'

This is much more constructive than saying: 'Caroline, you're a bad, nasty girl.'

In fact, many parents go much further and their words can seriously hurt a child long term.

Any psychotherapist can tell you how their clients have suffered as a result of harsh language in childhood.

Saying phrases like: ' Get out of my sight' or 'You disgust me' or – worst of all – 'I don't love you anymore' are so painful and so distressing for a child that frequently their own ability to love in later life – and to form good relationships – is seriously impaired.

Mocking a child or comparing him or her with other children or sisters and brothers at the child's expense is also extremely damaging.

How to find time to be together as a family?

Nowadays, finding time together as a family can be difficult. Most parents work while the children go to school and also probably take part in several leisure activities. So, time when the whole family can be together is rare.

It can be a good idea to co-ordinate the family's schedules so that the whole family can eat their evening meal all together, or at least so that a couple of weekend meals are preserved as times when the whole family can be together and can talk.

It's important for all the members of the family to meet and talk to one another. For children, it's also very important to have certain practices and fixed points in their lives.

Having meals together gives a good opportunity to talk about the events and experiences that matter to them.

Try to let everybody talk, and be attentive and interested.

Children also appreciate having certain days reserved for specific activities such as spending a Thursday afternoon with Dad in the library or to go swimming with Mum on Friday evenings. Try to involve the child in the planning.

Some families find it very beneficial to have a 'round table' chat for about half an hour once a week. If they get used to having this when the children are small, it is a firmly established routine long before the kids become teenagers – and it really helps make communication easier.

This weekly meeting should take place round the kitchen table – or somewhere similar. By all means have some tea, coffee, or soft drinks – but no alcohol.

Everyone in the family should know that he or she is going to have their say without being shouted down, but that there is a time limit to the session, so it can't go on all day.

Most families find that they need a few ground rules to make this work well. They might be:

• no shouting
• no swearing
• no one leaves until the meeting comes to its proper end.

A regular family chat where its members can air their grievances can really help the household to run more smoothly.

However, it is also important to listen to your child at other times when they come to ask or talk about something. If they are always told 'not now, I'm busy', they will lose the desire to share their thoughts with you and they will probably grow up with considerable resentment against you, believing that they really never quite mattered enough for you to put them first.

It's a sad fact that the grown-ups, we often see in therapy are individuals who felt that they were not given priority in the home as children, or who feel that they were overly criticised or that the only time Mum or Dad showed any interest in them was when they were either naughty, or else bringing home great grades from school.

When I sit opposite a depressed or distressed adult in therapy – perhaps someone who is having trouble forming good and healthy relationships – I often get the impression of the troubled, sad, lost child that that person once was.

What will your child learn from good communication?

Most parents sometimes find themselves saying things like: 'You must do it because I say so.'
But, most of us know that giving time for proper explanations is much more productive in the long run.

So, take your time to explain things. This will help your child to think and speak in a cohesive and structured way.

If you are able to express your own expectations and feelings appropriately – particularly in relation to rules of the house, the family's time table in the morning, whether or not the child may stay out late, or go to a sleepover – your child will grow up feeling that you are reasonable and that you have given your time to explain things properly.

He or she will also learn honesty and openness and also how to negotiate issues with other people.
When there's a problem within the family that concerns the child, then bring it up for discussion.

Try to find possible solutions together with the child. When you discuss solutions, it's crucial that you also discuss the consequences of each solution, as those will be of great significance to your final decision.

Be open to the child's suggestions. Let them take part in the negotiations and the decision making – try and find the best solution together.

A child who participates in this kind of discussion will achieve self-confidence and learn how to communicate effectively.

The parent as a role model

Your child constantly looks to you to learn how to get on in the world. You will notice your child repeats your speech and behaviour. You are the most important role model to your child.

If you show signs of respect, kindness, honesty, friendliness, hospitality, generosity and give frequent compliments, there's a good chance that your child will do the same.

You are responsible for the guidance of your children. And you can help a lot by encouraging them and giving them clear signs of what it is you expect from them.

But the best thing you can do is to express constantly your unconditional and overwhelming love for them.

Developmental Milestone- 12 months

Skills such as taking a first step, smiling for the first time, and waving “bye bye” are called developmental milestones. Children reach milestones in how they play, learn, speak, act, and move (crawling, walking, etc.).

Download the milestone checklists 2 Months to 5 years

12 Months

How your child plays, learns, speaks, acts, and moves offers important clues about your child’s development. Developmental milestones are things most children can do by a certain age.

Check the milestones your child has reached by his or her 1st birthday. Take this with you and talk with your child’s doctor at every visit about the milestones your child has reached and what to expect next.

What most children do by this age:

Social and Emotional

• Is shy or nervous with strangers 
• Cries when mom or dad leaves 
• Has favorite things and people  
• Shows fear in some situations 
• Hands you a book when he wants to hear a story 
• Repeats sounds or actions to get attention 
• Puts out arm or leg to help with dressing 
• Plays games such as “peek-a-boo” and “pat-a-cake” 

Language/Communication

• Responds to simple spoken requests 
• Uses simple gestures, like shaking head “no” or waving “bye-bye” 
• Makes sounds with changes in tone (sounds more like speech) 
• Says “mama” and “dada” and exclamations like “uh-oh!” 
• Tries to say words you say 

Cognitive (learning, thinking, problem-solving)

• Explores things in different ways, like shaking, banging, throwing 
• Finds hidden things easily 
• Looks at the right picture or thing when it’s named 
• Copies gestures 
• Starts to use things correctly; for example, drinks from a cup, brushes hair 
• Bangs two things together 
• Puts things in a container, takes things out of a container 
• Lets things go without help 
• Pokes with index (pointer) finger 
• Follows simple directions like “pick up the toy” 

Movement/Physical Development

• Gets to a sitting position without help 
• Pulls up to stand, walks holding on to furniture (“cruising”) 
• May take a few steps without holding on 
• May stand alone 

Act early by talking to your child’s doctor if your child:

• Doesn’t crawl
• Can’t stand when supported
• Doesn’t search for things that she sees you hide
• Doesn’t say single words like “mama” or “dada”
• Doesn’t learn gestures like waving or shaking head
• Doesn’t point to things
• Loses skills he once had

Developmental Milestone - 9 months

Skills such as taking a first step, smiling for the first time, and waving “bye bye” are called developmental milestones. Children reach milestones in how they play, learn, speak, act, and move (crawling, walking, etc.).

Download the milestone checklists 2 Months to 5 years

9 Months

How your child plays, learns, speaks, acts, and moves offers important clues about your child’s development. Developmental milestones are things most children can do by a certain age.

Check the milestones your child has reached by the end of 9 months. Take this with you and talk with your child’s doctor at every visit about the milestones your child has reached and what to expect next.

What most babies do by this age:

Social and Emotional

• May be afraid of strangers 
• May be clingy with familiar adults 
• Has favorite toys 

Language/Communication

• Understands “no” 
• Makes a lot of different sounds like “mamamama” and “bababababa” 
• Copies sounds and gestures of others 
• Uses fingers to point at things 

Cognitive (learning, thinking, problem-solving)

• Watches the path of something as it falls 
• Looks for things she sees you hide 
• Plays peek-a-boo 
• Puts things in his mouth 
• Moves things smoothly from one hand to the other 
• Picks up things like cereal o’s between thumb and index finger 

Movement/Physical Development

• Stands, holding on 
• Can get into sitting position 
• Sits without support 
• Pulls to stand 
• Crawls 

Act early by talking to your child’s doctor if your child:

• Doesn’t bear weight on legs with support
• Doesn’t sit with help
• Doesn’t babble (“mama”, “baba”, “dada”)
• Doesn’t play any games involving back-and-forth play
• Doesn’t respond to own name
• Doesn’t seem to recognize familiar people
• Doesn’t look where you point
• Doesn’t transfer toys from one hand to the other

Developmental Milestone- 6 months

Skills such as taking a first step, smiling for the first time, and waving “bye bye” are called developmental milestones. Children reach milestones in how they play, learn, speak, act, and move (crawling, walking, etc.).

Download the milestone checklists 2 Months to 5 years

6 Months

How your child plays, learns, speaks, acts, and moves offers important clues about your child’s development. Developmental milestones are things most children can do by a certain age.

Check the milestones your child has reached by the end of 6 months. Take this with you and talk with your child’s doctor at every visit about the milestones your child has reached and what to expect next.

What most babies do by this age:

Social and Emotional

• Knows familiar faces and begins to know if someone is a stranger 
• Likes to play with others, especially parents 
• Responds to other people’s emotions and often seems happy 
• Likes to look at self in a mirror 

Language/Communication

• Responds to sounds by making sounds 
• Strings vowels together when babbling (“ah,” “eh,” “oh”) and likes taking turns with parent while making sounds 
• Responds to own name 
• Makes sounds to show joy and displeasure 
• Begins to say consonant sounds (jabbering with “m,” “b”) 

Cognitive (learning, thinking, problem-solving)

• Looks around at things nearby 
• Brings things to mouth 
• Shows curiosity about things and tries to get things that are out of reach 
• Begins to pass things from one hand to the other 

Movement/Physical Development

• Rolls over in both directions (front to back, back to front) 
• Begins to sit without support 
• When standing, supports weight on legs and might bounce 
• Rocks back and forth, sometimes crawling backward before moving forward 

Act early by talking to your child’s doctor if your child:

• Doesn’t try to get things that are in reach
• Shows no affection for caregivers
• Doesn’t respond to sounds around him
• Has difficulty getting things to mouth
• Doesn’t make vowel sounds (“ah”, “eh”, “oh”)
• Doesn’t roll over in either direction
• Doesn’t laugh or make squealing sounds
• Seems very stiff, with tight muscles
• Seems very floppy, like a rag doll

Developmental Milestone - 4 months

Skills such as taking a first step, smiling for the first time, and waving “bye bye” are called developmental milestones. Children reach milestones in how they play, learn, speak, act, and move (crawling, walking, etc.).

Download the milestone checklists 2 Months to 5 years

4 Months

How your child plays, learns, speaks, acts, and moves offers important clues about your child’s development. Developmental milestones are things most children can do by a certain age.

Check the milestones your child has reached by the end of 4 months. Take this with you and talk with your child’s doctor at every visit about the milestones your child has reached and what to expect next.

What most babies do by this age:

Social and Emotional

• Smiles spontaneously, especially at people 
• Likes to play with people and might cry when playing stops 
• Copies some movements and facial expressions, like smiling or frowning 

Language/Communication

• Begins to babble 
• Babbles with expression and copies sounds he hears 
• Cries in different ways to show hunger, pain, or being tired  

Cognitive (learning, thinking, problem-solving)

• Lets you know if he is happy or sad 
• Responds to affection 
• Reaches for toy with one hand 
• Uses hands and eyes together, such as seeing a toy and reaching for it 
• Follows moving things with eyes from side to side 
• Watches faces closely 
• Recognizes familiar people and things at a distance 

Movement/Physical Development

• Holds head steady, unsupported 
• Pushes down on legs when feet are on a hard surface 
• May be able to roll over from tummy to back 
• Can hold a toy and shake it and swing at dangling toys 
• Brings hands to mouth 
• When lying on stomach, pushes up to elbows 

Act early by talking to your child’s doctor if your child:

• Doesn’t watch things as they move
• Doesn’t smile at people
• Can’t hold head steady
• Doesn’t coo or make sounds
• Doesn’t bring things to mouth
• Doesn’t push down with legs when feet are placed on a hard surface
• Has trouble moving one or both eyes in all directions

Developmental Milestones - 2 Months

Skills such as taking a first step, smiling for the first time, and waving “bye bye” are called developmental milestones. Children reach milestones in how they play, learn, speak, act, and move (crawling, walking, etc.).

Download the milestone checklists 2 Months to 5 years

2 Months

How your child plays, learns, speaks, acts, and moves offers important clues about your child’s development. Developmental milestones are things most children can do by a certain age.

Check the milestones your child has reached by the end of 2 months. Take this with you and talk with your child’s doctor at every visit about the milestones your child has reached and what to expect next.

What most babies do by this age:

Social and Emotional

• Begins to smile at people 
• Can briefly calm herself (may bring hands to mouth and suck on hand) 
• Tries to look at parent 

Language/Communication

• Coos, makes gurgling sounds 

• Turns head toward sounds 

Cognitive (learning, thinking, problem-solving)

• Pays attention to faces 
• Begins to follow things with eyes and recognize people at a distance 
• Begins to act bored (cries, fussy) if activity doesn’t change 

Movement/Physical Development

• Can hold head up and begins to push up when lying on tummy 
• Makes smoother movements with arms and legs 

Act early by talking to your child’s doctor if your child:

• Doesn’t respond to loud sounds
• Doesn’t watch things as they move
• Doesn’t smile at people
• Doesn’t bring hands to mouth
• Can’t hold head up when pushing up when on tummy